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0 In fashion/ ramblings

losing momentum at the end of the year

The 80s are calling and they want their hair back. Their curly perms, specifically. 80s or not, I’m loving these curls! After seeing videos of chopstick curls on Instagram (where else, eh) I picked one up this weekend and here we are. Curls galore! I’ve never had curls like this in my life and I felt so different with ringlets springing around my face. Different enough that my dad noticed a hair change, and he never usually notices when I dye or cut it. I can’t put my finger on why, but I’ve always thought that curly hair (or red hair, my other dream) would suit my personality, so it was fun to live it for a couple of days.  Definitely think I should’ve been born a curly haired gal but unfortunately mousy brown wavy-ish frizz was what I got instead.  At least with a chopstick curler I can live my curly haired dreams for a day or two at a time.

Curly hair aside, now for the rest of the life update.  Except I don’t have an awful lot to update you on.  Nothing too exciting happening round these parts!

I feel like I’ve lost a bit of momentum lately, and it’s annoying me beyond belief.  Basically, second year of uni has hit me like a tonne of bricks (as is to be expected).  After a couple of trips, lots of to-ing and fro-ing to Manchester for jobs, and being away on a shoot for a week, I found myself behind on work and struggling to catch up before deadlines appeared out of nowhere.  How can they seem so far away and them BAM 3 are all due next week?  Right now I feel like I’m just about keeping my head above water, *just about* getting everything done, but not to the best of my ability.  Certainly not where this blog is concerned – many a post idea pops into my head whilst I’m working on an assignment, in the gym, or out and about… but when I come to actually write the damn thing, it disappears and I’m left with a couple of sentences that don’t even make sense.  My drafts folder is filled to the brim with posts at various stages of completion, but I haven’t seemed able to just get my act together and finish any of them.  Ugh.  Then I start getting annoyed with myself, because one of the main reasons I chose to study from home (besides y’know, just not fancying the ‘university lifestyle’) was so that I could dedicate more time to blogging.  And I’m sat at home spending my days struggling with uni work and not blogging.  See my frustration?

You see, in my head, in a week I’m capable of keeping organised with uni, publishing 3 blog posts, going to the gym 4 or 5 times, doing a modelling job or a test shoot, and just generally living life.  I *should* be able to do it.  If I could juggle 4 A levels with a busy internship in London, blogging, a boyfriend and (some of) my sanity at age 17, then I sure as hell should be able to do it now.  So why is it just not happening?  (The productivity part, not the boyfriend part – that’s a chat for another day).  Procrastination and the fact that I get distracted extraordinarily easy is the obvious answer.  And so begins the vicious cycle of being frustrated and therefore even less productive.

I’m the kind of person who isn’t content with doing ‘just good enough’.  I want to push myself, I want to hit the highest grades I’m capable of, I want to spend more time with people, I want to create new and interesting content, and I want to seek more opportunities.  The thought of reaching a plateau and just cruising doesn’t sit well with me.  Couldn’t tell you what my end goal is, but I want to make progress towards it, regardless.  Slow progress is fine, as long as it’s progress.  I guess never being satisfied is part of millennial culture, and I’m no exception.

In an effort to make myself feel better, I’m going to say that it’s OK to not feel like you’re fulfilling 100% (or even 70%, tbh) of your potential at all times.  At least I hope that’s true, anyway (reassure me please).  Just feels like I’ve lost a bit of momentum towards the end of the year and instead of pushing myself to find new opportunities and do cool stuff, I’m just scrabbling to catch up.  Time to sort it out, gather a bit of creative momentum again, and make the most of the last month of 2017.  For now I’m going to focus on getting these bloody deadlines out of the way, pop some fake tan on and blow dry my hair so I don’t feel like a ghostly scruff, and actually write some of these blog posts that have been rattling around in my head for weeks.  With a glass of wine in hand, of course.

Oh and the my dress, it’s from a brand called LU NYC at TK Maxx.  I can’t find the exact dress online (as is often the case with TK Maxx) and the brand doesn’t appear to have its own website, but they had quite a few variations in store.  I saw it on the hanger and knew immediately it was such a ‘me’ item – I haven’t worn a midi dress in ages and had forgotten how much I love them.

dress: LU NYC at TK Maxx | boots: PrettyLittleThing | watch: Timex

Lily Kate x

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