Anyone else get the feeling that they’re constantly ‘chasing’ time? Constantly waiting for the time when you’ll be able to do X Y and Z because well, you’ll have time to. But when that ‘time’ you’ve been waiting for comes around, something else comes up and suddenly you don’t have time for X Y and Z.
My ideas about time are a constant contradiction. I want more spare time for spontaneity, going random places and doing random things, but I want a life full to the brim with ‘stuff’ too. I like having lots of plans. ‘Full to the brim’ busy, meaning this ‘chasing’ and ‘waiting’ feeling will probably never go away. Is that a good thing? I don’t know. Looks like I’m gonna spend my whole life chasing this elusive time where I’ll have enough on my plate to keep me happy and enough spare time for spontaneity. And even then, it’ll probably last about 2 days before I suddenly have my hands full again, or end up with zero plans for a week and feel lost.
It’s not even like I’m dissatisfied with life now and just want time to pass quickly, because I don’t. Kinda want to skip a few years, kinda want to stay 18 forever… I’ve a feeling I’m not going to deal with ageing very well. You know that ‘can’t wait for the summer holidays’ feeling? Mine never seems to go away, but I don’t know what exactly it is I’m even waiting for.
My friend and I were chatting about this stuff today, so I know at least one person shares these feels. You want to say YES to everything, but you want free time to be able to say yes to things at the last minute too. It’s a difficult one. She’s decided the route she wants to take and is doing a damn good job of getting there, whilst I’m sticking to my ‘keep as many doors open as possible’ approach. It’s not even that I want to try 50 things out before deciding which is most ‘me’, I just want to do lots of different things. I’m a fidgeter – literally, apparently. I don’t settle very well.
Of all the stressful things in the world, time (or lack of) stresses me out the most. I’m impatient and restless, but I always feel like days are slipping through my fingers and I wish they would slow down. Doesn’t make sense AT ALL. My thoughts don’t make sense, or at least I can’t make sense of them. I don’t want to wait ’til I’m 25 to have ‘life experiences’ or put off doing things because I’m ‘young’, because life’s too bloody short for that. I know you’ve gotta get your head down with the dull stuff sometimes too, and that ‘non days‘ don’t do any harm. But you’ve got to stop chasing and waiting sometimes and just DO, haven’t you?
If somebody could give me Hermione Granger’s time turner so I can cram a whole load more in, that would be great. 🙂
lily kate x