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7 In lifestyle/ ramblings

Thou Shalt Take No Sh*t

HI.  All going well this should go up sometime whilst I’m dressed up to the nines at the #GoGlamGala blogger event tonight, hopefully without having tripped on my dress / smudged lipstick across my face / spilled a drink down myself.  That’s the plan anyway.  Bag is packed for my trip down to London with Tasmin later and I’m 92% certain I haven’t one singular shoe or something like that.  Let’s hope.

Following my post last week about what we actually want to read and write anymore, (general consensus: personal stuff) I thought I’d quickly type up one that’s been kicking about in my notebook for a short while.  It’s vaguely new year related therefore better sooner rather than later – the biggest mistake I made in 2016 and how I’m (hopefully) not going to make it again.  In keeping with current motto of not giving a fuck that’s floating around the internet at the minute,

In short, I think I put up with too much sh*t.  In fact I’d actually say that’s been kind of a theme for the past few years, not just 2016.  Easy to have a different perspective on a situation when you’re no longer in it, isn’t it?

[Just realised that nearly all my posts lately have sounded cynical and ranty… unintentional, so apologies!  Sugar coating life and being all ‘positivity!!! happy dance with unicorns’ isn’t my style though so whatever.]

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Cringe at me all you like, but when Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off came on the radio the other day I found myself listening to the lyrics a bit more closely than I have before.  I’m not gonna start quoting lyrics word for word, but the part about ‘going on too many dates’ and people saying she can’t make them stay made a pretty good point.  Now I don’t claim to know the ins and outs of Taylor Swift’s love life and I’m sure she’s dealt a few blows herself, but she always seems to fall under scrutiny for binning people and moving onto the next.  I’m no Swifty so I’m not particularly defending her or anything, but I think it’s a little unfair for someone to have a reputation for moving on quickly when they’ve just not put up with being messed around.

Basically I don’t think she’s in the wrong at all for not putting up with less-than-great treatment and moving on, however quickly.  She might well be in the wrong for other things, I don’t know, but it kind of seems like she can’t do right for doing wrong.  Don’t put up with sh*t and move on?  Player.  Put up with crappy treatment?  Pushover.   Can’t win.

In conversations with various people (guys and girls) that I’ve had over the last few months, I’ve been quite surprised to hear what people actually put up with and the treatment they accept from others.  Let’s just get things straight here – I know nobody’s perfect and we all say and do things wrong, intentionally or not.  Nobody’s immune to making a f*ckup or two.  I don’t expect any kind of relationship/friendship/whatever to be without arguments or at least frustration.  But, BUT, I’m talking about instances where someone’s been genuinely wronged and it’s been brushed under the carpet.  We’ve all been there; like I said it’s easy to be blinkered when you’re actually in a situation yourself.  I don’t think 2017 should be the year we all become bolshy badasses and go round picking fights over trivial issues, but sometimes I think having a stronger backbone and saying ‘actually, that’s NOT ok’ is important.  Not keeping quiet about an arrangement you’re not happy with, or being a time filler for someone.

I’m applying this ‘thou shalt take no sh*t’ attitude to other things too, not just relationship-y stuff.  For example I’ve actually called a few people out for following and unfollowing me multiple times on Instagram, because that game’s getting frickin old now and it’s just not cool.  Some have apologised and said it was their ‘bot’ (seriously – I didn’t realise how commonly these were used) and some have denied doing and blamed an Insta glitch.  I smell BS I do.  When I’ve seen a tweet that I think is out of line I’ve asked questions about it.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing that.

By now I probably sound like a petty cow who wants to grass everyone up – not the case!  I just think I’ve definitely made the mistake of being too trusting and believing that ‘It’ll be different next time’ too many times now and I’m just bored of it.  So rather than associating ‘not putting up with sh*t’ with being snarky, I’d just like to think of it as saying everything straight.  That’s the attitude I’m having anyway!

lily kate x

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7 Comments

  • Reply
    Lucy
    20th January 2017 at 8:46 am

    These posts don’t come over as negative or ranty, they come across as honest 🙂 I’m always told I put up with too much shit – from friends! (I definitely, definitely, definitely put up with waaaay too much shit from guys when I was a teenager but luckily I am finally in an incredibly supportive and equal relationship, phew!) Interestingly, one of my friends always used to tell me that I put up with too much shit from people but actually now I find that she’s the one I’ve put up with too much from (she’s become constantly demanding, rude, one-way conversation, negative etc.) – perhaps I’ll take her own advice and walk away 😉 xxx
    Lucy @ La Lingua | Life, Travel, Italy

    • Reply
      Lily Kate France
      3rd February 2017 at 8:44 am

      That’s exactly how I’d like them to come across, so thank you Lucy!
      Agreed about this applying just as much to friends too, sometimes the people you think would be your biggest cheerleaders quickly disappear. Ironic that your friend didn’t realise she was doing the things she told you to say no to!

  • Reply
    Demilade
    21st January 2017 at 12:15 pm

    I love when you write posts like this ! I agree, this is one of my goals for the year as well. I’m a very soft person and I like to be on good terms with everyone . It can be a good thing at times but it also gives people the room to push you around. For example, there was someone who used to call me a name that I didn’t like at all. It wasn’t an insulting name or anything but it just didn’t sit right with me. Instead of letting the person know, I used to laugh it off. But as 2017 is my year of not letting anyone push me around (finally lol) I let her know and she’s stopped calling me that.
    As you said, this doesn’t mean that we should go around picking quarrels of tiny things but when something genuinely doesn’t sit well with us, we should let the person know instead of ‘letting it slide’. As politely as possible of course.
    Sorry for my long comment haha, great post as usual Lily Kate! xx

    cocobellablog.com

    • Reply
      Lily Kate France
      3rd February 2017 at 8:48 am

      I’m so glad you like them! There’s nothing wrong with being a soft person, unfortunately others just often think they can take advantage of that. Your 2017 will be improved by not feeling uncomfotable with names, so speaking out definitely wasn’t a bad thing!
      It’s a fine line between picking quarrels and letting it slide, but one I think we should be a little braver around.
      I love your long comments, please don’t apologise!

  • Reply
    Charity
    25th January 2017 at 1:57 am

    Thank you for posting this. I’ve bee not in an abusive relationship, and well it made me see what I need to do to better my life, and those around me. Along with the family issues that had been going on with my life I’ve let it all just affect me negatively BC I’ve been just being the pushover. I’m done. I’m not putting up with anything anymore. I deserve better.

    • Reply
      Lily Kate France
      3rd February 2017 at 8:59 am

      Ah Charity you definitely do deserve better! I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through and can only hope that new people in your life can treat you better as you deserve to be. Lots of love <3

  • Reply
    Yara Mabote
    4th June 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Very raw and honest post. No point in sugarcoating everything. An yeah, it’s sad that whatever it is you do, you just can’t win! sighh!

    http://www.desiringsme.com/diy-lace-up/

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